Psalms 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." I remember learning that verse as a little girl. Let's be honest, how many of us don't learn that simple little verse at some time or another?
As a little girl I understood this verse to mean that I could have anything I wanted if I loved the Lord, all I had to do was ask Him for it. He was my heavenly Daddy and His promise was that He would give me everything I desired. As I got older I understood it differently. I remembered the verses that talked about not even knowing the depths of our own heart but how only God does and His Spirit searches the deep things out. Somehow, in my mind, this translated into I really had no identity of my own and didn't even know what I wanted but if I would love the Lord He would give me what I wanted. I could then assume that all that He gave me was what I really wanted because He knew me better than I know me.
It's been a number of years since I have thought about that verse but today it was an invitation to me as I spent time in the Word and with my Abba Daddy. As I read through the devotion about surrendering my will to His will and I read the facebook postings about being the kernal of wheat that falls to the ground and dies to live, I could hear Psalms 37:4 being whispered through me. It was a quiet echo, insistent on not being ignored. What had I missed? Why was this verse capturing me and refusing to let me go? What did my Abba Daddy want to say?
As I read through the verse the word "delight" kept coming back to mind. I went into the e-sword to see if it was a key word and contained a Hebrew definition. It didn't but the phrase "delight thyself" did. It was a primitive root word that comes from no other word. This phrase means "to be soft or pliable, effeminate or luxurious, delicate, or have delight, sport oneself." The idea of being soft and pliable simply spoke to me of being yielded to God's will for my life. It spoke of being surrendered to His will as well as His ways and methods. None of this was new, however, the words "effeminate or luxurious," wrapped around my heart. This verse means to be feminine. How is that possible if it is for men and women? What does that mean for men and women to be feminine? That seemed like such a silly idea, surely I was misunderstanding, so I looked up the word "effeminate" in Webster's dictionary. The dictionary relates it to having qualities or characteristics more associated with women than with men. It emphasizes the characteristics of weakness and excessive refinement. These ideas seemed so negative and weak, especially when related to men.
Meditating on the verse and the definitions I couldn't help but recall Scarlett from Gone With the Wind. Then I saw Esther in the wedding scene from the movie, One Night With the King. They were so girly, to the point of appearing utterly helpless. Everything about the way they dressed spoke of beauty and desire and femininity, in excess, but they possessed an inner strength and fortitude that made them powerful women. Was this really what God was saying to me and how does it translate for a man? Everyone knows what it means to be an effeminate man. The longer I pondered on it, the more sure I was of God's invitation and presence; then I recalled Song of Songs 1:4 "Draw me, we will run after You: the King has brought me into His chambers..." It wasn't an invitation to be helpless or weak, it was an invitation to be utterly helpless, dependent, and beautiful in Him. I remembered all the things done to Esther to prepare her to be presented to the King, with the other women, when he was choosing a wife. She was educated. She bathed in the finest soaps. She soaked in the sweetest perfumes. She was clothed extravagantly and luxuriously, with an excessive refinement. This was God's invitation to me today. He was inviting me to bathe in His word. He was inviting me to soak in His presence, to be perfumed with the aroma of worship and the worth that He declared over me when His Son died for me. He was taking me into His bedchambers and drawing me to run after Him. To "delight myself in the Lord" is the action of being one with Him and allowing Him to invade my life in the most intimate of manners. It is the action of being clothed in His presence in a consuming way in which we become one, as husband and wife, and beauty is revealed. It is an invitation to know what it means to be beautiful to the Beloved.
I don't believe I will ever see Psalms 37:4 the same way again. It no longer speaks to me of any kind of formula for getting what I want. Instead, it draws me with the love of the Beloved and whispers to me, "You are beautiful my child. I can't take my eyes off of you. I don't want to go a minute without you." It captures my heart and captivates my imagination.
