Well, I have finished week 1 of the Beth Moore study "Living Beyond Yourself." It has been a truly amazing week. This week was pretty much an overview of the book of Galatians and laying the foundation for the work of the Holy Spirit. The letter of Galatians was written to young Christians in danger of losing their freedom in Christ; how appropriate for me. Beth Moore emphasized throughout her video, "An unsatisfied soul is a stronghold waiting to happen" and I have been discovering how true that is as I have returned to the habit of finding more and more of my identity in the tasks that I accomplish and grown more and more distant from my Abba Daddy. I have been so busy doing things that I remain unsatisfied and constantly longing for more; it has brought me to a dangerous place...losing my first love. So what did I learn this week about returning to my first love? What can I do to make it happen? How do I go about doing it? Is there a book about it? These are all the questions I usually ask, so I assume there is the possibility that you may ask it too. To answer all the questions, let me just tell you about the week of study.
The topics for the week covered many hardships, pleasing God, crucified, credited Righteousness, and Abba, Father. At the beginning of each day's lessons I would begin by reading the assigned Bible readings out loud. As the week progressed I noticed a pattern, every time I began reading out loud I felt as if the Word was being spoken to me and over me. It was as if I could hear the heart of the individual who had penned it and it was penned directly to me. I read about people who endured many hardships because of their belief in Jesus Christ and meditated on the passage Acts 14:22 "...We must go through many hardships to enter the Kingdom of God..." and all I could think of was the hardships Christ endured so I could enter the Kingdom of God. As I read about pleasing God, the Scriptures spoke to me again and again about how Christ died for me while I was a sinner; how God sacrificed His only Son because it pleased Him. Beth Moore wrote, "The demands HE makes on our lives are NEVER for His personal gain. We cannot make Him any more God than He already is. Every urging and exhortation of God to us is for one major reason. He desires that we have the pleasure of knowing, serving, and sharing Him." I read about how Christ was crucified and separated from the Father so I would never be abandoned or forsaken. The week went on to highlight how Abraham believed God's promise and God credited him with righteousness. At the conclusion of the week we focused on my adoption into the family of God (Gal.4:6). At the end of every day's lesson we were asked, "How does God want you to respond to what He showed you today;" there was only one response from me, every day, tears and more tears as I was overwhelmed at the utterly captivating love of God. I was reminded that my freedom is grounded in His love and I experienced a refreshing, overwhelming, intimate sense of His nearness to me and His passion for me. I cried at His delight in me and the sound of His voice as He spoke over me.
I concluded the week watching the video for week 1 and, sure enough, as the video drew to a close the tears began to fall. Beth Moore taught about the Spirit lived life, the life beyond myself, was as simple as pouring out my sins in confession to God and then actively receiving His forgiveness through acknowledgment of what He had done. She then went on to speak about pouring out my concerns so that I would be an empty vessel to be filled with what would truly satisfy me. After she spoke about pouring out, she covered pouring in. This is what God does when we empty ourselves to Him, He pours His Spirit into us (Eph.5:18). The conclusion of the teaching then spoke of God pouring forth through our lives.
That was such a precious segment because she spoke of the man and woman of God who had instilled in her a passion for the word of God. I cried. I saw that passion the first time I ever heard Beth Moore speak and read her first bible study. It made me cry then because I wanted so much to be a person of passion about the Word of God. She told of the people who made her feel that way and how God has poured forth through her life into the life of others.
On our women cafe sight where we are doing the Bible study they posted a discussion question about gardening tools. I am a horrible gardener. I kill plants. They don't do well with me. I helped my husband plant a vegetable garden this year in sandy soil. Vegetables don't grow in infertile soil. In order to answer the question I had to google basic gardening tools for the beginning gardener. I looked over the list of several tools: spading fork, hoe, round-ended shovel, bow rake, garden shears, and a watering can. I thought of the various uses of these tools and the Scriptures I had read during the week. I started to think about what tools I would need for cultivating this garden, as I begin the fruit of the Spirit.
As I thought back over the week of Scripture study and the video segment I watched, I remembered a visual God gave me several years ago of a tree. I was thinking about the fruit of the Spirit and a fruit tree. I could see the young tree in my mind. I remember wondering to myself, how do I grow fruit? I knew that a tree doesn't will itself to grow branches, it doesn't grunt and groan and stretch, in order to produce a piece of fruit. I could imagine myself as a fruit tree, "uuuuuhhhh, uuuuuhhhh, uuuuuuhhh, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can grow this fruit! Just a little bit longer now. Just a little bit harder now. uuuuuuhhhhhhh, uuuuuuuhhhhh, uuuuuuhhhhhh! I did it! I did it! I grew an orange!" What a ridiculous image! A tree doesn't grow fruit because it wills itself to or because of the great effort it exerts. The tree grows fruit as the gardener cares for it.
I thought about my passion. I thought about the hardships. I thought about the crucified life. I thought about how hard every part of it used to feel, before my freedom, like the young Galatians. Then I thought about the wonderful moments I spent in the presence of the King this week and I thought of all that He did for me; all that He desires for me, and all that He feels for me. I thought about my response, every day, to His Word and the tears that were shed as well as the comfort I found just resting in His overwhelming love; I chose a watering can. All I have to do is pour out my sins and concerns and my Abba Daddy, my Daddy, will do all the rest, all I have to do is just love Him; that's so easy to do when feeling overwhelmingly, captivatingly, passionately, irrevocably, loved by Him.
