8/25/12

Beauty in the Beholder's eye

I remember when my youngest daughter was real young, just a baby, in fact. My husband and I had an unspoken agreement not to feed her anything messy; therefore, we fed her a lot of dry of food and made sure it got in her mouth. We were so good at this and presented such a united front, we had developed a system for meal times with her. I would sit on the couch with her leaning against me and he would kneel in front of us and shovel the food in her mouth. He's a perfectionist and he never missed, always using the spoon to scoop any excess food from around her mouth. When she started wanting to feed herself we stuck to foods without dye or sauces. We wanted things that wouldn't stain and did not leave big messes. A bit overboard for sure!

Lately, I've been thinking a great deal about these occasions though and bemoaning the fact that the peace that used to characterize my home seems to have gotten lost. The entire house is filled with emotion! It is awful! At least it was until I heard the laughter of my two daughters and I, as we drove down the road and remembered some precious times together. In that split second I realized laughter had been in short supply in our home over the years! I wished that we had laughed together more as they were growing up! This insight brought a rush of several other insights, in rapid succession of one another. First, what I used to characterize as peace had really been the absence of emotional displays in a desperate attempt to avoid the emotional expressions that made me uncomfortable. Additionally, repression of these emotions had also led to the lack of opportunity to experience some of the more affirming and pleasant emotions such as delight, joy, excitement, anticipation, laughter, and just a true pleasure in one another. Finally, how in the world could I hope to share my family's laughter and delight, if I was not willing to allow them to experience anger or sadness and their varying levels of intensity? Spouses, parents and children, and even friendships, in which we share one another sorrow, pain, and anger, are also relationships in which we find the opportunity to also share in the joy, delight, and laughter that will follow these others as God turns the mourning in to dancing!


My husband and I agreed in prayer several years back: Lord, just let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done in our lives and our children's lives just like it is being done in Heaven. I don't think either one of us had a clue what that might look like. David could not possibly have imagined it would look like him, a king, hiding in caves and fighting for his life at the hand of Saul, who was still wearing the crown and occupying the palace. I'm sure many certainly didn't think it would mean the Messiah hanging on a cross, between two thieves, outside the city walls. I'm sure there were several who had no idea it might look like a group of Kingdom dwellers who lived in fear and many who were persecuted and died horribly for their believes following the resurrection of Christ. Well, I'm here to tell you...it has looked nothing like what I thought it would in our lives either! The other day, as God and I were perusing my most recent memories of our lives, all I saw were finger paintings hanging on clothesline and drying in the wind. Even as I saw them, I cried, "But God...I've been praying our lives would look something like a Van Gogh!" But it is the memory of the child who makes the finger painting just for mom or dad, that will often make the painting more precious than any art piece on the market, and I am sure that my Abba Daddy feels the same way about our families and the finger paintings representing our lives. We admire Van Gogh's but even in estate auctions, as family members die, there is something appealing about the scrapbook filled with crayon pictures drawn throughout the years or the finger painting someone lovingly matted and framed to be viewed throughout their lives! So, don't be afraid to live, really live, with tears and anger and pain and fear because only then will you also be able to know His laughter and joy and delight and pleasure and the absolute glory of who He created us to be! We are not meant to be ruled by our emotions, but we are certainly meant to live with them <3


Isaiah 62:5 "As a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so will God rejoice over you!"