8/3/14

A word of hope to the brokenhearted

Psalms 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed." NLT

If there is anything I hate, it is crying alone! I cannot stand imaging someone sitting in a room by themselves, with tears falling down their face, and no one to wrap their arms around them and hold them close. I cannot stand thinking of them silently weeping with on one there to witness the most secret tragedies of the heart and the story that they tell. I absolutely cringe to think of someone sitting helpless, spending themselves in tears, and knowing the next time they see a person there will be a smile, filled with what others perceive to be sunshine, and no one knowing what it cost them to bring that sacrifice. My heart breaks over this thought because I have been a witness to the one who weeps alone. I have also been the one, curled up in a tight ball, behind the bedroom door, silently weeping and wishing someone would pull me close and hold me tight. It is for this reason this verse has ministered such hope to me through the years. I have never felt closer to the Lord than when I was at my most broken and the tears fell non-stop. Truthfully, I could not have stopped the tears if I had tried. They came without warning, and were very inconvenient. They revealed all my fears, all my sorrows, and all my shame. I HATED that I could not hide them! It was only then that I learned how very close the Lord is to the brokenhearted. 
I remember that night. It the was the first time I had experienced such a heartbreaking sorrow, struggle, and feeling of aloneness. I was not unfamiliar with sorrow and disappointment. I was well acquainted with tears, pain, and the discomfort it evoked in others to see it in someone. My masks were many and I was skilled at selecting which one to wear and how to keep it in place; however, that night was different. I sat alone, a single parent, in the dark bedroom, behind the bedroom door. I didn't even care I sat on the floor, my daughter asleep in the other room. My knees were curled up to my chest and my head hung on my knees while the tears fell and my heartbroken sobs rent the darkness. Completely lost, feeling more alone than ever before, I barely managed to use the name JESUS, but somehow the cry came forth. It was then I felt myself placed on His lap. I heard His heartbeat in my ear as I snuggled down in His arms, against His chest. His hand stroked my hair, and His lips felt warm on my hair. I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew, I was not alone and the Lord was nearer than I had ever known Him to be. I know I have a vivid imagination. I know I love poetry and all of the romantic things others say are nothing more than an ideal, but that night, in that moment, I met my Beloved in a way I had never known anyone before. I have cried many other tears, on many other nights, over much more heartbreak, since that time; however, my heart has always filled with such hope because of that night and the knowledge I have had that I am never alone. He is ALWAYS with me! I have found comfort and strength to know that I cannot erase heartbreak, and should trust what God can do with it. It has filled me with a faith that is exercised as a mother, as a grief worker, and as a minister, to know there is not one who cries without a witness to the secrets revealed in the tears, and the story they tell. I have learned the best rescue is not the one that removes me, but the One in who journeys with me assuring me of the destination all of the while.

ABBA DADDY: thank You that You are near enough to catch every tear that falls. Thank You that You are gentle enough to soothe our pain, wise enough to use it, and loving enough to listen to the stories the tears tell. As the day draws to a close, I ask that You, Great God, would wrap Your arms around this world tonight. And when You hear our cries, sing through the night, So we can join in Your chorus and sing along! In Jesus' name, amen <3