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| Photo by R.Keith Clonz found on flickrcom |
I'm not certain if I want to say another week has ended or another week is beginning. The two, last, and now the prospect of next week, seem to blend into one another without beginning or ending. Last week I wrote that weekly reflection experiences were like stopping at streetlights or stop signs, but honestly I feel like I stopped somewhere else this week and I'm not sure when it was. It feels as if I hit a pause button in the office and never hit play again. I suspect it was at the training I went to, Friday, on the topic of mindfulness and self-compassion. Since that seems to be where I paused, then that is where I shall begin to reflect.
Educational and academic learning this week has been a series of affirmations. I began a new quarter at Walden University and received feedback from my committee chair. There is very little I have to do to make the editing corrections to my first three chapters. I can actually have it done within this next week. Next, at work I have been doing continuing education in the area of mindfulness and self-compassion. Although I wanted to do it to reinforce the techniques and methods for usefulness in working with the clients I serve, there was a bigger part of me that wanted to hear more about it for me. I drove to Raleigh Friday, thinking I was going to learn some new mysterious thing that I have had little understanding of. Imagine my surprise when the speaker spent the entire day talking and demonstrating the Psalmist principle of meditation and the New Testament exhortation to be "transformed" by the renewing of the mind. All of it reminded me of the early discipleship I had, as a new believer, on prayer and what it means to pray without ceasing. The speaker, Friday, talked about the importance of releasing compassion to oneself and others, as well as the value and necessity of meditating daily. When asked how often it should be practiced or recommended for practice (because it must be practiced to be developed with any level of mastery), he replied, "Once a day for five minutes is good, several times a day for 20 minutes is better, but all day is ideal." He went on to emphasize we must all begin somewhere and that any effort to practice it is good. All day, as he spoke, I could hear the Holy Spirit whisper Scripture after Scripture in my ear about praying without ceasing, meditating on the law of the Lord (goodness), and many others. I continue to be both humbled and amazed at the places God meets me and the countless occasions He uses the things of this world to reinforce and affirm the principles and practices He longs for me to put to use in my life.
I took a break from writing and spent some time with my husband this afternoon, and then with my grandson and his father. It's been a nice weekend and as I have spent time with my family, work has been forgotten. This weekend I have been more present than I have been in a long time. The world inside of me has grown silent and the race track of my mind has been empty of thoughts running in circles through my head. As a result, I have been at peace and enjoyed the time I have spent with the babies as they have laughed, cried, and just snuggled up next to me on occasion. I remember how I used to sit and hold them, sitting on the swing on the front porch and breathing deep. Lately they have not wanted to sit on me or with me and I think it is because of the frustration and discontentment they sense inside of me. I have sensed it myself as I have gone from one day to the next, one visit to the next, and one meeting to the next. It's a busy month this month and before it even began, I looked at it in a glance and felt weary. This weekend I rediscovered how the simple act of a my grandbaby taking my hand, the calm sound of my husband's voice as he speaks my name, the rushed voice of my daughter as she calls me on her break, the non-anxious presence of my other daughter as we ride in the car together through the neighborhood wasting time before dropping her off at work because she is still to early, rejuvenate me when I have found my satisfaction in Christ. When I am far from Him, when His word is dusty on the shelf, and life taunts me with insecurity and anxiety, my family feels overwhelming and I want nothing more than to be alone. However, when I am still in His presence and His word resounds through my mind talking of lavish grace, rich kindness, and immeasurable love, my family just affirms the great love of God as they minister the tender mercies He extends to me through their love and the gift of sharing their stories and making memories.
As I sit at this red light and wait for it to turn green again, I look across the room at my husband holding one of our grandsons, sitting on the other couch. I see him snuggled up on papaw's lap, playing with the phone while the three of us listen and watch "Where the Wild Things Are." I answer my phone and hear Thaddeus' dad's voice on the other end of the phone and my heart smiles as I remember him running through the sprinkler this afternoon. I hang up that call and answer another call to hear Thaddeus' mother's voice and my heart smiles even bigger as I remember her coming home from work Thursday night to tackle her son with a hug and smother him with kisses. I close my eyes. Drawing air in slowly and pushing it down to my toes, I feel it as it goes deeper and deeper. As I being to exhale, I see the photos of Gideon at the beach with his mama and I can hear their laughter though I was not present. My soul is quiet within me as I recall the many things God has done for me, listed in Ephesians 1-3: blessed me with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places, blessed me through adoption into His family, redeemed me, forgiven me, and given me knowledge of the mysteries of His will, given me an inheritance, sealed me with His Holy Spirit, seated me in Heavenly places, lavished His immeasurable riches of grace upon me, brought me near to Him, His covenant promise, and those around me, built me into His dwelling place, gave me realization of His eternal purpose, and given me confident boldness and access to Him!!!!! Enjoying my family, the memories of my life intertwined with theirs, and the wonderful glorious assurances of God's great love for me cause me to pause and pray, no longer impatient as I sit at this stoplight. In fact...I find myself wishing the light would stay red on a delayed timer for much longer.
It's on this thought that I will close. Even as I wrote this about pausing at the stoplight, I can't help but recall the title of the blog "Water Under the Bridge." No matter how I might wish to stay in this moment, it really is no different than the wish to go back and undo something that has already been done. It is like standing in the water, as it flows under the bridge, and trying to stop it from moving forward. This can never happen. I find myself remembering being a child and getting to go the pool or the beach or on a camping trip or something so super fine I would get angry when it ended. I would fight having to let it end naturally by stirring up something with someone else and ruining it before it ended. As I have grown in the Lord, even as I read Ephesians, I am so captivated by the love of God I find the freedom to let go of today and know that tomorrow too will unfold the same glorious and lavish display of His grace and immeasurable love as contained in today...it will just be new and different, as will I <3
Educational and academic learning this week has been a series of affirmations. I began a new quarter at Walden University and received feedback from my committee chair. There is very little I have to do to make the editing corrections to my first three chapters. I can actually have it done within this next week. Next, at work I have been doing continuing education in the area of mindfulness and self-compassion. Although I wanted to do it to reinforce the techniques and methods for usefulness in working with the clients I serve, there was a bigger part of me that wanted to hear more about it for me. I drove to Raleigh Friday, thinking I was going to learn some new mysterious thing that I have had little understanding of. Imagine my surprise when the speaker spent the entire day talking and demonstrating the Psalmist principle of meditation and the New Testament exhortation to be "transformed" by the renewing of the mind. All of it reminded me of the early discipleship I had, as a new believer, on prayer and what it means to pray without ceasing. The speaker, Friday, talked about the importance of releasing compassion to oneself and others, as well as the value and necessity of meditating daily. When asked how often it should be practiced or recommended for practice (because it must be practiced to be developed with any level of mastery), he replied, "Once a day for five minutes is good, several times a day for 20 minutes is better, but all day is ideal." He went on to emphasize we must all begin somewhere and that any effort to practice it is good. All day, as he spoke, I could hear the Holy Spirit whisper Scripture after Scripture in my ear about praying without ceasing, meditating on the law of the Lord (goodness), and many others. I continue to be both humbled and amazed at the places God meets me and the countless occasions He uses the things of this world to reinforce and affirm the principles and practices He longs for me to put to use in my life.
I took a break from writing and spent some time with my husband this afternoon, and then with my grandson and his father. It's been a nice weekend and as I have spent time with my family, work has been forgotten. This weekend I have been more present than I have been in a long time. The world inside of me has grown silent and the race track of my mind has been empty of thoughts running in circles through my head. As a result, I have been at peace and enjoyed the time I have spent with the babies as they have laughed, cried, and just snuggled up next to me on occasion. I remember how I used to sit and hold them, sitting on the swing on the front porch and breathing deep. Lately they have not wanted to sit on me or with me and I think it is because of the frustration and discontentment they sense inside of me. I have sensed it myself as I have gone from one day to the next, one visit to the next, and one meeting to the next. It's a busy month this month and before it even began, I looked at it in a glance and felt weary. This weekend I rediscovered how the simple act of a my grandbaby taking my hand, the calm sound of my husband's voice as he speaks my name, the rushed voice of my daughter as she calls me on her break, the non-anxious presence of my other daughter as we ride in the car together through the neighborhood wasting time before dropping her off at work because she is still to early, rejuvenate me when I have found my satisfaction in Christ. When I am far from Him, when His word is dusty on the shelf, and life taunts me with insecurity and anxiety, my family feels overwhelming and I want nothing more than to be alone. However, when I am still in His presence and His word resounds through my mind talking of lavish grace, rich kindness, and immeasurable love, my family just affirms the great love of God as they minister the tender mercies He extends to me through their love and the gift of sharing their stories and making memories.
As I sit at this red light and wait for it to turn green again, I look across the room at my husband holding one of our grandsons, sitting on the other couch. I see him snuggled up on papaw's lap, playing with the phone while the three of us listen and watch "Where the Wild Things Are." I answer my phone and hear Thaddeus' dad's voice on the other end of the phone and my heart smiles as I remember him running through the sprinkler this afternoon. I hang up that call and answer another call to hear Thaddeus' mother's voice and my heart smiles even bigger as I remember her coming home from work Thursday night to tackle her son with a hug and smother him with kisses. I close my eyes. Drawing air in slowly and pushing it down to my toes, I feel it as it goes deeper and deeper. As I being to exhale, I see the photos of Gideon at the beach with his mama and I can hear their laughter though I was not present. My soul is quiet within me as I recall the many things God has done for me, listed in Ephesians 1-3: blessed me with every spiritual blessing in heavenly places, blessed me through adoption into His family, redeemed me, forgiven me, and given me knowledge of the mysteries of His will, given me an inheritance, sealed me with His Holy Spirit, seated me in Heavenly places, lavished His immeasurable riches of grace upon me, brought me near to Him, His covenant promise, and those around me, built me into His dwelling place, gave me realization of His eternal purpose, and given me confident boldness and access to Him!!!!! Enjoying my family, the memories of my life intertwined with theirs, and the wonderful glorious assurances of God's great love for me cause me to pause and pray, no longer impatient as I sit at this stoplight. In fact...I find myself wishing the light would stay red on a delayed timer for much longer.
It's on this thought that I will close. Even as I wrote this about pausing at the stoplight, I can't help but recall the title of the blog "Water Under the Bridge." No matter how I might wish to stay in this moment, it really is no different than the wish to go back and undo something that has already been done. It is like standing in the water, as it flows under the bridge, and trying to stop it from moving forward. This can never happen. I find myself remembering being a child and getting to go the pool or the beach or on a camping trip or something so super fine I would get angry when it ended. I would fight having to let it end naturally by stirring up something with someone else and ruining it before it ended. As I have grown in the Lord, even as I read Ephesians, I am so captivated by the love of God I find the freedom to let go of today and know that tomorrow too will unfold the same glorious and lavish display of His grace and immeasurable love as contained in today...it will just be new and different, as will I <3
