My husband and I were talking yesterday and remembering three or four years ago when I was a student at Beacon University. I was taking the family dynamics course and reading several books on marriage. There were so many ideas and I was excited to try all of them. I would show Kris the books, share the ideas, and even try to convince (alright, I'll be honest...nag) him into trying the ideas. He often looked at me and would reply, "Lisa, I don't understand. Our marriage is great, why are you so panicky? What do you think is going to happen?" Yesterday, I had the opportunity to remind him of those words as we discussed the changing seasons in our lives. We are both still happy but things certainly ARE different. It takes a lot more work to make things happen now. The kids are also much busier with their own lives; so, we find ourselves adrift with time on our hands and wondering what to do. We've always had kids because I had a daughter when we got married. This is a season where we still have kids, but we are also figuring out what it means to be a parent to children who don't need us in the same ways as they did when they were little. This is a season where we have the time to find hobbies and activities, outside of our family, that we enjoy (some apart and some together). This is a season where friendships are being formed (individually and as a couple). This is a season of change; nothing is as we have known it, and I am glad the word of God anchors us through it. I have always found change scary, and been controlling in an attempt to make it work the way I wanted or to avoid it altogether. There are a few things that I have been reminded, in the midst of this new season, the most important being...use wisdom to discern what is within my control. Based on that I have begun reading a book entitled "Becoming the Woman of His Dreams." Something I read today jumped out at me, and I would like to share it with you.
Sharon is describing her experience, with her husband, as they learned to waltz. She is doing this in her section introducing respect and the subject of submission. This is what she writes:
"After a few dance lessons, I didn't look at all like Ginger Rogers. Actually, I resembled Fred Rogers. We were NOT gliding around the room, moving as one. It was as though Steve were pushing a shopping buggy around the mirrored dance floor.
I use the word "push" because I WASN'T guided easily. More than once the instructor tapped me on the shoulder and said, 'Mrs. Jaynes, you're leading again."
After a while I did learn how to give in to the gentle pressure of Steve's hand on my back to move me forward and the release to move me back. With a slight tug I learned when to twirl, and with a lift of the arm, I learned to spin. Amazingly, I discovered that Steve had the most difficult job as leader of the dance. He had to learn when and where to push, press, and release, and all I had to do was follow his cues. When I did, I looked like the one doing all the fancy moves, but in reality, I was just following his lead.
What a lesson God taught me about the symbiotic dance of marriage. When I LEARN to COMPLY with my husband's leadership, we move as one in a beautifully choreographed dance designed by God." (pg.48)
What I found to be even more fascinating was how the Holy Spirit used this to minister to me! The dance and leadership that was in our marriage was a reflection of the dance that I am in with Christ. Several of you are probably thinking "Well Duh Lisa!" That's true but it was a RHEMA moment when I realized the extent to which I was able to dance with Jesus would be the extent to which I would be able to dance with Kris. For me, it was one of those frozen moments in time as I saw myself as a cumbersome shopping buggy. In the past, I've probably also had one of those wheels that won't move and actually resists being pushed, while making horrible squeaking noises in protest. There have been days when there has also been left over trash in the cart that I allowed someone to leave behind. I not only resembled this shopping buggy in my attempts to waltz with my Beloved Jesus, but I also was the cart that all of us try to avoid and will then even walk back across the store to trade in when we find it resistant and loud. For every gentle pressure applied by God I would push back challenging Him with every command. I gave in to His direction eventually, but our relationship resembled more of Mrs. Jayne's first attempts at waltzing with her husband than anything else. It certainly has been clearly reflected in our marriage between Kris and I.
Mrs. Jaynes became so sensitive to her husband's TOUCH that a simple pressure guided her forward or backward. She eventually became accomplished enough that a slight tug provided her the opportunity to twirl and spin, such joyful delight with her beloved. I want to do more than "make boxes with our feet," as we do a "slow, slow, quick, quick square." I, also, want to spin and twirl in the arms of my Beloved. So many times we sigh that Jesus is not actually physically here but I remember years ago when the Holy Spirit ministered to me about what it means to be loved by my husband. The feel of Kristopher's arms around me, the gentle pressure he applies to guide me in this dance, and the slight tug I feel when he takes my hand in his and allows me to spin and twirl, are the wonderful moments when I can feel myself in the arms of my King. Kristopher's love and expression of it is the touch and expression of that love my Beloved has for me and is sent from heaven itself. So why continue to resist the touch of those who hold me dearest when I can simply enjoy the pleasure of being loved? Learning to comply with my Beloved's leading in my life will result in a compliance with my husband's leading in my leadership.
Dancing with the King is always reflected in the most beautiful of waltzes in the relationships of our lives, parents with children, husbands and wives, governments and its people. When I first started teaching at FTCC, Kris would get up with me and make me coffee in a thermos to drink on the way to work. It was heaven. As the weeks progressed I noticed he quit doing it, unless I asked him. After a while, I couldn't even ask him because he wouldn't wake up when I was getting up. Honestly, it was one of the little wrongs I chose to keep record of and it has burned within me. Last night, before going to bed, I noticed all of the little things in the kitchen that still needed to be finished up. Normally these are things that Kris will do, but last night it wasn't done. I got grumpy inside, after all, I am still on vacation, but I spent the evening in prayer as I started cleaning up. When I was finished I went to turn out the kitchen lights and noticed the empty coffee pot. Quickly I walked over, cleaned it out and refilled it all for in the morning. After that I set the clock on it, and the timer, for delay brew. I set everything up to have a fresh pot of coffee for Kris when he came downstairs to get in his uniform. This morning he got up and took Nikki to the church but to my surprise he drove back home right after dropping her off. I heard him pull up in the driveway, open the front door, come up the stairs, and then he gave me a kiss. I kept asking him, "Why are you here? Did you forget something? Aren't you going to be late?" His only reply to all of this was, "I just wanted to give you a kiss and tell you I love you Lisa. Thank you for my coffee." He didn't forget anything at home. He didn't care if he would be late. He drove the extra few minutes back just to say I love you and let me know he cares. Waltzing never looked so beautiful as it did that moment and I truly can't imagine anything more wonderful than dancing with my Beloved!
