Beauty in the Beholder's eye

I remember when my youngest daughter was real young, just a baby, in fact. My husband and I had an unspoken agreement not to feed her anything messy; therefore, we fed her a lot of dry of food and made sure it got in her mouth. We were so good at this and presented such a united front, we had developed a system for meal times with her. I would sit on the couch with her leaning against me and he would kneel in front of us and shovel the food in her mouth. He's a perfectionist and he never missed, always using the spoon to scoop any excess food from around her mouth. When she started wanting to feed herself we stuck to foods without dye or sauces. We wanted things that wouldn't stain and did not leave big messes. A bit overboard for sure!

Lately, I've been thinking a great deal about these occasions though and bemoaning the fact that the peace that used to characterize my home seems to have gotten lost. The entire house is filled with emotion! It is awful! At least it was until I heard the laughter of my two daughters and I, as we drove down the road and remembered some precious times together. In that split second I realized laughter had been in short supply in our home over the years! I wished that we had laughed together more as they were growing up! This insight brought a rush of several other insights, in rapid succession of one another. First, what I used to characterize as peace had really been the absence of emotional displays in a desperate attempt to avoid the emotional expressions that made me uncomfortable. Additionally, repression of these emotions had also led to the lack of opportunity to experience some of the more affirming and pleasant emotions such as delight, joy, excitement, anticipation, laughter, and just a true pleasure in one another. Finally, how in the world could I hope to share my family's laughter and delight, if I was not willing to allow them to experience anger or sadness and their varying levels of intensity? Spouses, parents and children, and even friendships, in which we share one another sorrow, pain, and anger, are also relationships in which we find the opportunity to also share in the joy, delight, and laughter that will follow these others as God turns the mourning in to dancing!


My husband and I agreed in prayer several years back: Lord, just let Your Kingdom come and Your will be done in our lives and our children's lives just like it is being done in Heaven. I don't think either one of us had a clue what that might look like. David could not possibly have imagined it would look like him, a king, hiding in caves and fighting for his life at the hand of Saul, who was still wearing the crown and occupying the palace. I'm sure many certainly didn't think it would mean the Messiah hanging on a cross, between two thieves, outside the city walls. I'm sure there were several who had no idea it might look like a group of Kingdom dwellers who lived in fear and many who were persecuted and died horribly for their believes following the resurrection of Christ. Well, I'm here to tell you...it has looked nothing like what I thought it would in our lives either! The other day, as God and I were perusing my most recent memories of our lives, all I saw were finger paintings hanging on clothesline and drying in the wind. Even as I saw them, I cried, "But God...I've been praying our lives would look something like a Van Gogh!" But it is the memory of the child who makes the finger painting just for mom or dad, that will often make the painting more precious than any art piece on the market, and I am sure that my Abba Daddy feels the same way about our families and the finger paintings representing our lives. We admire Van Gogh's but even in estate auctions, as family members die, there is something appealing about the scrapbook filled with crayon pictures drawn throughout the years or the finger painting someone lovingly matted and framed to be viewed throughout their lives! So, don't be afraid to live, really live, with tears and anger and pain and fear because only then will you also be able to know His laughter and joy and delight and pleasure and the absolute glory of who He created us to be! We are not meant to be ruled by our emotions, but we are certainly meant to live with them <3


Isaiah 62:5 "As a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so will God rejoice over you!"

This past summer I have come to appreciate the simple task of meditating on beauty. There is so much ugliness in the world around me it is very easy to focus upon the simple truth "Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold." Everywhere I look, I see hurting people. Everywhere I look, life is discarded, children are aborted, senior citizens are farmed into facilities and forgotten to die alone. Everywhere I look, I see people going hungry, and those who pretend to be hungry to avoid laboring. Everywhere I go, I hear stories of robbery, injustice, unfairness, intolerance, hatred, and the practice of malice against good people who stand for the oppressed. I see my neighbor give their last dollar to clothe the naked and their last crumb to feed the hungry, in return, they are outcasts who are welcome nowhere and ridiculed for being different. Everyday is a struggle for someone to cast their legs over the side of the bed and sit up, taking a deep breath to face another day. Votes are cast but the election is handed to the one who pays the most money. Wave upon wave crashes upon the shore of our lives, demanding us to recognize the vengeance with which it pounds our dreams, increasing anxieties, and bending us over with the heavy yoke of fear. Fear there will never be enough. Fear it will only get worse. Fear nothing will ever change and if change occurs it will not ever be for good. Fear upon fear upon fear upon fear. Not only does the love of many grow cold, but hearts' are failing because of fear!

In a language as old as time, expressed by the Psalmist and many of the prophets, the cry of the wounded can be heard around the world as their tears drench the earth and their sobs fill the heavens. "What hope is there?" they cry and their pain haunts the hearts of those whom they walk among. Let me introduce you to a few of them. First, he cried, "My grief is BEYOND healing; my heart is BROKEN. Listen to the weeping OF MY PEOPLE; it can be heard ACROSS THE LAND." Another said, "How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But YOU do NOT listen! 'Violence is EVERYWHERE!' I cry, but You do NOT come to save. Must I FOREVER see these evil deeds? Why must I WATCH all this misery? WHEREVER I look, I see destruction AND violence. I am SURROUNDED by people who LOVE TO ARGUE AND FIGHT.'" Another said, "We've dealt with violence in this city before. But I've never seen people shaken as much as after this. Everywhere you go, it's kind of a silence, and I don't think it has worn off." Still another says, "We walked three houses down, he pushed me in between two houses and started to molest me. He turned almost into a different person in seconds. He had a knife on me. He threatened to kill me if I did not do what he wanted, then after slapping me around the whole time, I pretended I was dead or passed out so he would leave." Or the retired police officer who weeps because he no longer holds the equipment or authority that will allow him to exercise the necessary brutality to protect his innocent grandson, whose only words are captured in the silent tear slowing rolling down his face as he ducks his head and says, "I KNOW God is good and He loves me."

What a challenge it is to meditate upon the truth found in Romans 5:20-21, "God’s law was given so that all people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God’s wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God’s wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." How do we meditate and internalize such a position in Christ when faced with such wickedness? It is only in the return to the foundations of salvation that such a thing can be accomplished. You see, God sees me the same as He sees the terrorist who flew the plane into the Twin Towers on 9/11. God sees me the same as He sees James Holmes, or Casey Anthony, or even Wade Michael Page. There is no continuum of who does the most sin, to God. In God's eyes, the apostle Paul writes, "For everyone has sinned, we all fall short of God's glorious standard" (Romans 3:23). This sin not only separated us from God, but also made us to be counted as His enemy, for in His holiness He cannot abide in the presence of sin. It is this foundation that makes the gift of His Son Jesus Christ such a precious thing. He made it possible for me to be forgiven for my sins, alleviated the penalty that is associated with sin, and then called me His servant, His friend, and His child! When I realize all that I have in common with those who I perceive to be the worst of people and associate the most with wickedness, then I realize the great miracle of His love and how much I have truly been given to know that I never got what I deserved! This is the hope I have, this is the grace that rules and is abundant, this is the truth I encounter when I approach the thickest of darkness in this world and behold the presence of the living God, even in the face of evil! It is an outrageous love He has given us and a furious grace that pursues us! The beauty I meditate on is the delivery of His tender mercies, disguised as the fresh bouquet of roses blooming outside my front porch. The beauty I meditate on is the delivery of His good thoughts and their great number, pictures in the grains of beach sand laying up and down the eastern coast. The beauty I meditate on is found in the early morning song I hear as I awaken and the birds sit in the trees outside my windows, echoing the love song He sang over me in the night! All of these precious gifts of love, from a Beloved God, whose love I could never earn or possibly begin to return!

Moses approached the "thick darkness," knowing it was the place in which he would find God's holiness and presence. He returned covered in the glory of God. Mary Oliver writes,
                                  
                                      Someone I once loved gave me
                                         a box full of darkness.

                                     It took me years to understand
                                     that, this too, was a gift.

Join me as I pray, "Lord, open the eyes of our heart. Enlighten our hearts with understanding of the gift we have been given in the darkness. May our eyes be lifted in expectation and constant anticipation to the hills, knowing that our help comes from YOU! Maker of heaven and earth! Open the ears of our heart, that we may hear and know Your voice. Awaken us with the songs You sing over us in the night watches. Open our hearts with the gentle and skilled touch of Your hands as You hold us near and draw us close in Your arms of love! May we smell the fresh aroma of Your love as You wave Your banner high and wash us in oceans of Your grace, captivated by Your mercy! In Jesus' name--Amen."

On another note~Check out my wonderful sister's precious blog: beyoutifulconviction.blogspot.com about the woman at the dwell, checking the what if's that torment us!