8/8/11

Intimacy with God

I was recently reminded of why I became a Christian and what it meant to fall completely and irrevocably in love with Jesus Christ. Additionally, I was challenged to evaluate where I began and where I currently am and in the process of it all I understood how lukewarm I had become. The Holy Spirit repeatedly challenged me to "return to your first love, remember from where you came and do the first works again." I began to long to be on fire and filled with a hunger once again, so I picked up a Cynthia Heald study on Intimacy with God. I have been taking my time at it and just re-learning what it means to be committed to finishing what I start. At the beginning of the study she draws careful attention to God's longing to be close and intimate with us. She describes us as being restless with a drive "to find someone who will love us for who we are, understand our fears and anxieties, affirm our dependance our worth, and call our lives into account. To admit our need for and dependance upon god requires humility and vulnerability, which paves the way not only for knowing God, but also for becoming intimated with Him." She associates true intimacy with the confidence that we can reveal our true selves with the expectation and anticipation of being understood, accepted, and respond in communication that reveals both support and love, with only our ultimate good in mind. This week I have been pondering the question, "Is God trustworthy?"

My head screams "YES!" in response to this question, but the honest to goodness truth is my heart says, "I'm not sure." I know there are things that I have quietly kept in the shadows. While I haven't tried to completely hide them from God, I have kept them in the shadows of the furthest corner of the room and hesitated to open them up for discussion. For this week Cynthia gives four chapters to read in Psalms (31, 40, 55, 56). She asks the reader to identify in each chapter what type of circumstances have prompted the writer to trust in God. I have devoted the last two days to reading and studying chapters 31 and 40. In both chapters the writer is in trouble. He is literally surrounded on every side by his enemies. He is oppressed, persecuted, pits have been dug for him to fall into, and he is mocked on every occasion. But it was after reading chapter 40 that I really began to understand what I was reading.

In Psalms 31 there were several factors that contributed to the writer's complete trust in God. In verse 1the psalmist was acquainted with God's righteousness. Verse 3 is the writer's recognition of God's concern and protection for HIS name. Next, verse 5 recognizes the faithfulness of God while verse 7 refers to the psalmist's knowledge that God cares about the "anguish of his soul." In addition to these characteristics of God, the psalmist is also acquainted with the lavish exhibit of God goodness and love towards those who belong to God and the assurance of His protection from those who are His children and are loyal to Him. As I read all that the psalmist knew about God the question that screamed through my heart was, "BUT HOW did he know all this God????!!!!!!!!" Verse 21 provided the answer to the question that I couldn't ignore. It says, "Blessed be the Lord: for He has showed me His marvelous kindness in a strong city." God showed it to him.

Today, I went to do a similar walk through and reflection on Psalm 40. A great deal of it was the same. This psalmist also was grateful that God had rescued him from the pits his enemies had dug. He was also surrounded with troubles, piled under sin, about to be destroyed, humiliated, and shamed (v.12-14). Interestingly enough, this psalmist also had an intimate acquaintance with the Lord and a relationship. He describes God as being the One who rescued him out of a previous pit and steadied him as he walked along (v.2). He was the One who gave the writer a "new song" and "performed many wonders" for him (v.3, 5). In addition, the writer also knew the Lord was a God of justice, faithfulness, and the power to save (v.10).  This writer also was intimately acquainted with God and His character and it was this relationship that was a factor in inspiring the writer to trust God.

As I calmly read and made notes, my heart cried, "How did he KNOW You God?????!!!!!!" I like those "how to" books. I want an abc formula for drawing closer to God and can't seem to find one. This chapter didn't give me a single answer the way chapter 31 did, the answer to my question was contained in the structure of the psalm. There were four things that occurred in this chapter.

First, the psalmist "waited patiently." The phrase "waited patiently" refers to the psalmist's hope and perseverance at a time when all seemed lost. It was an anticipation of God's goodness to be revealed in the midst of a terrible situation. This writer was an individual who did not deviated from what he knew about God, even when things were not going his way. He continued to come before the throne of grace, unwavering in his request, as well as confident in the assurance that God would hear him. The King James Version goes on to say God "inclined" to the writer before He even "heard" his cry. This means that before God actually intelligently listened to the request of His child, God had already stretched Himself out over the situation and His child. He already caused the enemy to yield and had overthrown all the enemy's efforts to bring harm to His child, BEFORE He even intelligently listened and understood the requests of His child.

Next, the writer "was made to listen" (v.6). In the KJV the phrase says that the Lord "opened" the psalmist's ears. This word means "to bore a hole." It was as if he had only been hearing the rumble of the Lord's voice, like when our hears feel like there is fluid inside. The Lord had gone in and bore a hole to put tubes in the ears of His child, so he could hear better. I loved this image because I could relate. So many times my ears feel like they are stuffed with cotton because there is fluid build-up. I will crank the television and stereo up, and even ask family members to repeat themselves numerous times so I can understand what they are saying. One of the things that can be done for this problem is to surgically place tubes in the ears. This bores a hole so the individual can hear more clearly. But then the question that is asked is, "but how do I actually hear God's voice?" So many people today are confused about this issue because they fail to listen for God's voice within His word. The psalmist made reference, in verse 7, to the Scriptures and God's instructions being written on his heart. He knew God's voice because he "knew" God's word.  God MADE the writer to listen to His voice. We can read the word of God but without His "making" us to hear it, it is nothing more than a book that we read. It is His Spirit that breathes life into it and makes it live within us, while opening our hearts with understanding of what it all means to us.

In addition to waiting and hearing, the writer also testifies of who he knows God is and what God has done in the past. His eyes were not focused on what had not yet occurred, rather his gaze was filled with wonder at the awe of who God is. I remember growing and being so unhappy. My mother finally asked me, when I was older, why do you spend so much time recounting the unhappy memories. I remember her telling me that all it was doing was making me focus on a future that had not yet come. The problem with all of this was that it all overshadowed the good times in my past and blinded me to the wonderful things in my present. The psalmist testified of God's justice, faithfulness, and saving power (v.10). He told of God's unfailing love AND faithfulness (v.11). He included himself in those who love the Lord's salvation and repeatedly shouted, "The LORD is great!" (v.16). He didn't need God to prove Himself or His affection before the psalmist told people of his wonderful God, the past experiences between God and the psalmist as well as the word that had been "written" on the psalmist heart were enough to compel testimony.

Finally the writer, had a recognition of his own condition without God and the staggering need for God's presence and intervention in his life. I cannot begin to count the number of times I have tried to build or advance my relationship with God based only on my knowledge of how wonderful I know God is. The problem with this is that the knowledge never moved from my head to my heart. I have been so afraid of pain, suffering, hardship, conflict, and loss, that I have often spent my energy trying to "worship" God without ever trusting Him. I have tried to declare, to the world around me, God's value as being priceless and worth everything but deep in heart I have not practiced the intimacy to know this to be true. So once again I find myself hearing the Holy Spirit ask, "Is God trustworthy Lisa?" Based on all that I read I still cry "Yes!" only NOW my heart cries "I NEED YOU LORD! In my finances, in my family, in my school, in my job, in my calling, and all the other things that I worry about and am so afraid of failing at! I need YOU to deliver me from the accusations of worthlessness and malice that the enemy repeatedly hits me with! I need YOU to speak to my shame and condemnation regarding my past and my fears that it will all overtake me! I AM lost without YOU Lord, 'As for ME, SINCE I am POOR AND NEEDY, KEEP me in YOUR thoughts. You ARE my HELPER and my SAVIOR! O my GOD, do NOT delay!"

The true question was never really is God trustworthy, it was "Lisa, when will YOU trust ME?"