I've started working on a study by Tammie Head entitled "Duty or Delight?" I am only in week 2 but am really enjoying it. This last week she talked about the negative self-talk that takes place in our head and drew attention to the fact Satan is the "accuser of the brethren." She then argued his accusations directly related to the negative self-talk that is running through our minds. Tammie wrote, "Beloved, we need a profound revelation of the love of God and a fuller understanding of His character. Our soul-deep beliefs have everything to do with how well we handle daily seductions to insecurity and the accusations Satan brings." She then went on to ask if our actions and insecurities really reflected a soul-deep belief that God loves us. To be able to answer that question she asked three other questions related to how I feel about me; if I answered 'yes' to any of the three questions she recommended taking the time to "drink deeply of God's character." Psalm 145 was the Scripture she encouraged us to drink deeply from and to note seven things we notice about who God is and how He relates to us, closing with asking which verse ministered the most to me personally. Psalm 145:9 is the answer to that question and it is this verse and why it ministered to deeply to me that I want to share with you.
I am a student. I love to study! I cannot say it enough...I LOVE TO STUDY! Learning is something I am passionate. Unfortunately I have been motivated by the wrong reasons. I love learning because it makes me feel safe. The more I know the more control I feel like I can have over a bad situation. I try to avoid confrontation, difficulties, trials, hardships, and anything that will result in pain of any kind. I know, I know, NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! But then again the other reason I love learning so much is because it helps me feel good about myself to get a grade, a good one! It makes me feel smart, pretty, powerful, and valuable to lay claim to being an honor roll student. This, my friend, is definitely me putting my trust in chariots and horses. Pride is a horrible thing and it will torment you. It certainly has me. It leaves me feeling inadequate at most things. It drives me to continue learning without finding any satisfaction because I can never know enough, especially when I am measuring enough in terms of whether I am able to be in control at all times and avoid pain. Based on all of this, I realized this last week that I definitely do NOT REALLY believe God loves me, so Psalm 145:9 was a source of comfort for me.
Psalm 145:9 says, "The Lord is good to ALL. And His tender mercies are over ALL HIS works!" I read that verse and just sat and cried as I thought about why it meant so much to me. As a little girl there was no where I felt safer than at night when my daddy tucked me in my bed. I loved the feeling of the blanket being tucked around me as I snuggled up deep in the covers and felt my dad lean over and kiss me goodnight. As a wife and mother, I have watched my husband tuck our girls in at night. He would first play peekaboo with them and then tuck them deep inside the blankets firmly tucking the edging of the blanket all the way down the side of their body. It reminded me of the tender way he would wrap our youngest in the blankets when she was a little baby. She fought it so much and then would fall asleep. I used to tell him she hated it and he should just relax but he would just smile and tell me it makes her feel safe because she used to be inside of you. Reading Psalm 145:9 made me feel like that little girl. Granted there have been times I have been frustrated as God has wrapped me in those tender mercies and they have been over me. His tender mercies are not defined the way I define them, sometimes they are correction and discipline (things that just feel painful) and they are all over me. Finally though I realize the warmth, security, and protection I find in them and just snuggle up deep inside. Truly believing God loves me is relinquishing my constant need to be in control and to let Him cover me, tuck me in, and wrap me up in those tender mercies as the helpless babe I am. It carries with it the promise of finding rest snuggled up deep inside His goodness! He even sings a lullaby as He sings over us in the night (Ps.42:8; Zeph.3:17). Moms and dads tuck us in and kiss us goodnight but our ABBA DADDY tucks us in and then lays down next to us, with His left arm under our head and His right hand embracing us (Song of Solomon 8:3). There's really no better place to be <3
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